Emotionally Yours
Every quilt that the team at Just TShirt Quilts creates involves hours of designing to get it right for you as well as many more hours of precision work. Working closely to create a customized memento comes with a passionate investment. Crafting personalized keepsakes which hold memories of the times of a life is rewarding, challenging, as well as emotional.
A recent quilting project was particularly emotional for the widow who came to us as well as all of us at Just TShirt Quilts. Her husband killed himself. Suicide. In the depths of her tragedy the woman with two beautiful young daughters sought to keep his memory alive through a keepsake quilt made from his clothes.
When she came in for her appointment, she was holding a box containing all of her husband’s favorite shirts. Teary-eyed and overcome by grief she started talking, couldn’t, then dropped the box and turned around to leave. To go through his clothing together would have been more than she could handle. I offered that she could leave the shirts safely in our care and that we would work closely with her online when she was up to it. That’s what we did.
Through regular online contact we finished the design process. As per her wishes, a picture of her husband was used as the centerpiece of the quilt. The shirts were then artistically arranged around the center. We finished the quilt with embroidered words around the border that held special significance for her husband and father who will be deeply missed. She liked the word “hero” as part of the quilting design.
Along with creating a quilt with the shirts he left behind, we also created two stuffed bears for the daughters to have and to hold and to offer some solace as they grew up. A special embroidered message was added to the back of each bear. “This is a shirt I use to wear. Whenever you hold it, know that I am there. Love Daddy”.
Made with the material possessions which the husband left behind, this living memorial now offers comfort in times of sorrow. The quilt becomes a surrogate to have and to hold in his absence. The two daughters can squeeze tight the quilted bears made from their father’s shirts, holding his memory close to their hearts. Both offer tangible remembrances of a Husband and Father giving them comfort when they need it the most.
Death is a part of life, a seasoned nurse once told me. Adults can regretfully, eventually accept that. What about kids? Forever is forever.
Flashback to working in the ER. I’m coming out of a trauma room from doing an admission. It’s a busy Friday night. The bustle is interrupted by a blood curdling scream. Everyone stops. It’s then eerily quiet for 5 seconds. Then sobbing and more screaming. It’s a cross between sheer terror and the moaning from unmedicated labor contractions; the gasping from raspy air hunger when deep breathing is not enough and you can’t get enough air. The sound is one you never forget. It reverberates throughout your body, your psyche. The anguish, it’s a sound like no other. The mother just arrived to find out that her 16 year old son hung himself.
The pandemic: it’s changed all our lives in the way we shop, school our children, and even mourn. The pandemic has circumscribed the physical grieving process of funeral home visitations, public memorial services as well as burials. The pandemic has pilfered the needed hugs, and physical contact of relatives, friends, and neighbors, that ordinarily bring us comfort when a person leaves this earth. Watch out for your “strong” friends they may be the most unlikely to share anguish and despair.
The quilt and bears were finished. She came to pick them up, but didn’t come in. “She couldn’t come in,” he said. A family friend had driven her. “She’s too emotional.” I went to the car. Part of me just wanted her to know that I care. We made eye contact and just looked at each other. There were no words. I wanted to but couldn’t hug her. She tried to smile and looked away. It was my first time seeing her girls. They said hello and smiled modestly. My heart aches when I think about what it will be like for them to grow up without their Father. To know him and then suddenly he’s gone. Forever.
Know that, if you have suffered a loss, we want to help. We are emotionally invested in creating a treasured keepsake to bring comfort in a time of tragedy. We’re emotionally yours.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 800-273-8255
