Is your New Year Starting off Happy?
Were you were in a good mood on New Years Eve? January 1? There are so many happy expectations that revolve around ringing in the new year: fun, parties, fireworks, and making resolutions of what you’ll change in the year coming up.
If you have recently suffered the loss of someone special, instead of welcome, you may regret the holiday. The last thing you will be thinking about is celebrating. It will be hard because that special person who was always there for you to share the celebration with is gone leaving a big gap. That is the case with Luke, on the cover, who lost his father to cancer.
The quilt he’s wrapped up in was one of 3 made for the family in his memory. One went also to Luke’s sister and one to his father’s school. He had been a long time teacher and a quilt was hung inside of the school to remember him by. Being a school teacher he had collected many shirts over the years that went into the quilts. The shirts tell a story about that special person. Not even knowing him we can see he was a Republican and liked Ronald Reagan. He was also a coach and followed the Pittsburgh Penguins. His school team was the Bears. This was Christmas Day and the quilt is a way that Luke could embrace his father’s memory through the t-shirts he wore when alive.
I encourage people to not gift memory t-shirt quilts close to the holidays. If there has been the loss of a loved one, a personal quilt containing their clothes and items they’ve worn can evoke sadness and grief. It’s ok to wait and gift the quilt some time after a big holiday has passed.
Some thoughts from Melanie Luxenberg on loss. The holidays aren’t happy for everyone and that’s ok.
1) Take care of yourself. Take some time to decompress and practice self-care whatever form it may come in. For some of us self-care can be as small as taking micro-breaks from a task we are doing, getting take out instead of cooking, getting our nails done, having a bubble bath- you get the idea. It can be doing an activity you enjoy. Really, it is about carving out time for yourself, so that you take care of yourself, especially your mind.
2) Forget about making New Year’s Resolutions. This can just create added stress and expectations that you don’t need in your life. Or, if you are determined to make a change, aim for something small and achievable, so you don’t have to deal with the feeling that you’ve let yourself down, and so that you do get to experience feeling proud of yourself for making that change.
3) Make plans that you will actually enjoy and will be comfortable with and more importantly with people you are comfortable with!
4) Don’t overextend yourself. If you are going to a party, or an event and are asked to do something or bring something, keep it simple and don’t offer to do more than you are asked to. It’s okay to bring something store bought to a potluck or a party. When you are around people who know the real you, they are not judging!
5) If you feel like doing nothing, do nothing. Just go with the flow, whatever it is. Don’t fight it. If you don’t want to socialize, it’s not a crime to stay home. There are many of us who are content with takeout/snacks and Netflix and there is nothing wrong with that.
My favorite is #5. Do nothing. Cry, feel sad. Go with the flow. Nothing magical will appear to erase the grief. Nothing will seem “normal” in the absence of that person.
The grief diminishes with time, but never completely goes away. Special occasions are the hardest.
I lost my daughter 2 years ago.
